Expressing love and devotion for your Mistress should not be an occasional thought passing through your mind. It should not be a fleeting expectation of recognition. It should be, instead, like the air you breathe. Something you need to stay alive and continue moving forward on your journey to feminization. Sissy B.’s email is a perfect example of how devotion and adoration for your Mistress should be expressed and carried out in your intentions and actions.
I hope you enjoy and feel free to connect with me, as Sissy B. has done. (name has been shortened to protect B.’s privacy). Remember that this too is part of your feminization journey.
“All in the audacity, it is to know how far one can go too far”. – Jean Cocteau.
“Courage is to be the only one who knows we are afraid.” – Jean Cocteau.
Dear Mistress Dede,
How are you ? Well, I hope so.
I would like to submit some ideas (or suggestions) to your critical mind. It is possible that you run these suggestions (we’ll see).
Then I want to testify (in case this could be useful for your practice). My text will be long. And I apologize in advance.
You affirm in your message, below:
“So, you are a man who has a fantasy of dressing up like a woman and being treated like her. You are dying to dress up in female attracts, but your fantasy also involves being forced into being female. So, your fantasy is about your wife or your partner, but you did not do it (or did not do it? The punishment is about being and acting like a female. “. […]
“Why would any male enjoy this forced feminization? Well, it’s all about having some tenderness. Society does not accept a man who has feminine tendencies. It’s considered to be wrong. You can not dress up like a woman. You can not act like a woman. How dare you like makeup? You are a man!
These beliefs tend to instill shame and embarrassment in these men. They can even feel upset and anxious about this. It gives them pleasure, but they feel embarrassed about it.
In forced feminization, a man can help release this shame. He is not being feminine of his own free will. He is being forced into being feminine. So, there is no shame and they can still enjoy being a female. “.
I think this reflection (certainly not from a theoretical intellectual reflection but from your experience) is correct. You touched the problem – the guilt of feeling woman – and provided the solution: the simulation of being forced to be feminized, to get around her guilt.
It is possible that in your customers (in your submitted, your Sissy), there is, still, a lot of masochists. Are there non-masochists among them?
If your “Sissy Academy” is helping to unblock people, who has a deep guilt for their natural feminine tendencies or for their transgenderism (transsexualism), then the concept of the Academy you have launched is good. And you can do a lot of good. (Indirectly through behavioral therapy, you help them to liberate themselves and to be themselves.) Personally, I wish there was no longer this powerful taboo of the gender barrier, and more transvestites, of people who dress extravagantly, in the street and our society).
I thought your academy could be a good thing for me.
As I told you, my sexuality is totally reversed. I feel sexually good only when I lie on my back, I spread my legs and I imagine myself penetrated like a woman. That’s why I dreamed, that one or two months after my vaginoplasty, I spread my legs and you deflower me, gently, with your belt dildo.
This transsexual fantasy, which I have always had since childhood, makes me think that I am a transsexual (the) hidden, repressed (without me want it).
For a long time, I put this inverted sexuality on the account of an abandoned syndrome. But by informing me, I do not know any abandonment syndrome that forces you to have a totally inverted and feminine sexuality.
I think more and more that my totally inverted sexuality is linked to an antagonistic programming of my brain which pushes me to have a behavior of female, during the sexual relations (?).
Another hypothesis: I also thought that this “transsexuality” was in fact a hidden masochism, because my father humiliated me, depreciated, during all my youth.
But I also know that I have never admitted his devaluation and humiliation. On the contrary, I always rebelled, I always resisted. That’s why I’m always very sensitive to injustice (which makes me angry) and I do not admit it anywhere (and I tend to fight). So, intimately, I do not feel masochistic.
What is more misleading and confusing is that at the level of gender identity, on average, I feel more masculine than feminine (although at times I have fleeting openings to feminine feelings).
My education and my childhood were very hard. I suppose I was conditioned to be virile, masculine, hard. By my conditioning, I had a long time, a slight rejection for transsexuals. It was only a long time later that I realized that I was wrong and that I started to strongly advocate for the transgender / transsexual cause.
I guess that male feeling is related to the fact that I’ve been forced to fight all my life, always alone, without any support from my family. Perhaps also related to the abuse I suffered during my childhood (from my father), which makes me hard at times (hard with myself) and at times not very sentimental. But curiously, when I think of you, I feel sentimental.
My friends who have always seen or perceived me as masculine see as a fad only the fact that I put forward the hypothesis that I would suffer from a hidden transsexuality.
I have seen psychologists or psychiatrists who have shown me rejection (and rejection of transgenderism, perceived by them as deviance) or gay psychologists who pushed me to crime, to take reckless risks ( risks that I have sensed and which have proved very real). So, no desire in these practitioners, a real psychological investigation and so on. to find the real causes for my desire for vagina and inverted sexuality (which she is a real and powerful addiction). I was very disappointed in the medical world. Even the team doctors treating transsexuality were unable, scientifically, to find the causes of transsexuality.
(Maybe I’m intellectualizing too much, mentally torturing myself, knotting my brain, because of my father’s conditioning of hating me, hating me or not The abuse that my father (and my brother) subjected me to, their rejection (especially the rejection of my secret) are traumatic things that have always been difficult to overcome (very painful). How to love myself? How to be myself at last? In fact, at the level of gender identity, I feel between the two (between masculine and feminine) or neutral.
But I have huge mental blockage when dressing as a woman (it has always been hard to very hard for me). Certainly an enormous comprehensible and rational fear of social gaze, social condemnation and social rejection (which unfortunately are very real dangers, because I have had the sad experience).
I had my first experience of disguise in 1987, with transsexual friends. But the blockage, the discomfort were total, except one day, where I was not bad alcoholic and where I suddenly felt feminine and I loved that (it’s as if the alcohol had momentarily disinhibited me). I did a second experience of disguise, during 6 months, in 2015. I was walking in Paris as a woman and it was very hard psychologically (and it made me paranoid …). I lived in fear, the terror of being discovered (I lived in fear of my neighbors, especially as some of them are very stupid, including a far-right).
What in the long run, staying long enough as a woman, that I finally felt good and feminine (but without feeling addictive.) Just a sweet feeling (by the moment) .I never had an addiction to clothes feminine, unlike some transvestites or like Lili Elbe, whose addiction is or was powerful). It was just as I was starting to feel good (in this new feminine identity (?)) That I experienced both episodes and very traumatic attacks (which pushed me to reject all my research, quest and my feminine clothes, which I had then stored in a garages box, garage which was looted then, my feminine clothes having been then stolen).
This inverted sexuality (which I really consider a divine curse) has only caused me trauma trauma. Imagine that, during all sexual relations, you put yourself on the back, legs apart (that want to be a woman with a soft and caressing sexuality), and that I try you to make play with your partner the role of the man, you are sure that this woman will flee you the next day (one of them told me that there was something wrong with my head and that I needed treatment). I deceived only one woman (who was not smart), pinching, with my hand, my penis at its base so that it remains erect in order to penetrate this woman (because as soon as I enter a woman, what I do not like, my erection diminishes instantly, I have always had a hard time having erections, I need at least 10 to 20 minutes to get it).
(Because of these traumatisms, I tried to have a “normal” sexuality, without ever succeeding … “It’s dead of death”, as we say in France From a very big love failure, in 1987, I decided to forbid myself all sexual relations, to live like a saint, but I was lying to myself, I’m not a saint, I always have sexual desires. , I engaged in a frenzied associative activity).
In fact, my sexual misery is very great which pushed me, more or less involuntarily, to develop a very rich fantasy (extremely secret that I only reveal to people like you, to whom I take the risk of their but can I take you as a friendly and caring confidante, who can be trusted?).
I opened up to you on my very rich fantasy, to testify (maybe to make you happy, but there, I may have been blinded on your supposed expectations of me.) As you could see him, I am very naive, tending to trust too easily, including you … (at the same time I know that if I had a vaginoplasty, I tried to make up for the delay, that I did not know sexually ).
I realize that when you approach his fantasies with a mistress like you, it can give you the impression that I impose them on you, that I show selfishness (why do you impose my terrible (terrifying) desire to to be penetrated by you (in my vagina)?). Why this fantasy of writing a book-testimony, like a musical score written in common, about my transition under your supervision? (What would not be more beautiful advertising for you? Why I dream to advertise you for all your actions and companies? I dream that the company “Mistress Dede” Forced Feminization Academy “” become an international company, with multiple branches around the world (selling courses by correspondents, embellished by the sending of explanatory leaflets and descriptive courses, in PDF format, for a monthly subscription, MOOCs, on-site training sessions in the different “Mistress Dede “Forced Feminization Academy” “, from around the world?).
I wanted to expose them to make you understand that I’m not lying, that I really have transsexual fantasies (that if I can undergo a vaginoplasty or a mammectoplasty for you, I would not really do).
It is possible that I am totally off the plate, that I am totally in a dead end, misleading (although you told me “You are correct Lisan, your search is over.” But is it real? “Are you the right person? Are you really the one who will totally change my life? Are you the one who will end my research?).
I tremble in front of you. Will not I engage in a “dangerous connection” [liaisons dangereuses] to (of) Choderlos de Laclos?
My ambitions were not they too high? I dreamed of a beautiful relationship full of love between us. You dream to merge with me, dreaming to merge with me …
My fantasy: you are in your big armchair, in the dim light, facing the fireplace, in which flames fire. And I am snuggled at your feet, caressing them with my long hair (it’s only a dream).
I totally surrender to your hold and worship that. But among your 11,000 followers, how can I believe that I will catch your attention, get your love? You must already have someone in your life. My audacity is disconcerting, how can I have so much impudence, can I go so far … too far? How can I believe that I will attract your attention and that I will touch you?
How can I believe that you will love me and that you will be convinced “My god, I really want to feminize B., especially his mind. I want him to have the vagina of the best quality, a sensitive vagina so that he has the maximum of pleasure. I want to help, I take care of it … “? (I think I’m going too fast in the job, I’m always in a hurry, it’s a big mistake, if you go too fast, you can break everything).
It is certain that my desire to be protected, surrounded immaterially, by you, at a distance, is only a fantasy (or a nice delirium). My vagina desire is it not only that my great need to get me protected by you?
How can I believe that I, like Sheherazade, will be able to entertain and amuse you every day?
Is it possible that my abandonment, my quest for a great eternal, unhappy and unfulfilled love blind me to you?
Take it with hindsight (I can be playful, maybe I play with your feelings) …
So keep calm (and feminize me). Perhaps, I am serious (?).
Do not be worried: my love for you will certainly diminish over time. And then certainly you have certainly met a lot of Sissy fell in love with you, you are used to it and you know how to handle it.
PS. I find the concept of “Mistress Dede” Forced Feminization Academy “” very good: beautiful design, beautiful signage, lots of quality courses. I am impressed by the number of books that you have written. You have a real literary talent. If I can suggest one thing: rather than the financial domination that could hurt fragile and vulnerable people (I think that people who agree to be punctured financially should be placed under guardianship or trusteeship) and I do not know if that kind of practice could not fall under the law on the abuse of weakness), why not charge a monthly subscription (as for courses, MOOC, monthly reviews), for example $ 50 to $ 60, cancellable at any time. So that everything is clear, honest and transparent). This is just a suggestion.